| this is it |
[Sep. 20th, 2009|10:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  sore | ] |
I cannot put the way i am feeling to words.
Bye. |
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| Karma. |
[Aug. 30th, 2009|10:12 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Its been a long long time eh.
This is really painful.
I thought you guys wld hve a lil sense
and not treat someone like that.
Come on,
seriously, if i show it,
then its gg to be a huge problem
because i am
very hot-tempered, more than you can imagine.
I love my parents, if you fucking treat em this way,
you will pay e price for your disgusting behaviour.
I feel really upset.
Looks like im not e only one
gg thru this phase in life,
but even my family.
And i know, i have to be there
for them.
I dont keep shut when my friends are hurt what
more them.
I hve my own issues.
Its alright, ill do e best i can
to keep my fly safe from all these
fucked up assholes.
My life.
I dont care, who says what.
I dont care, who's bitching.
I dont care, who's faking.
I dont care, who's hating.
I dont care, who's good who's bad.
I dont care, if they dont care.
Simple.
Because i dont HAVE TIME FOR THESE SHIT.
i will never ever trust anyone from now onwards,
i dont care who.
I'll keep my limits. |
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| Double meanings. |
[Jul. 24th, 2009|05:40 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
Today Racial Harmony Day was just great!
4B2, i love you to bits and pieces.
Yeah sometimes, a day like this
shows very well the class unity.
Everyone wore ethnic costumes and
pulled em off so well.
So sweet right. haha
Those who tied saree hats off to you. Hahaha
Well, its my first time ever wearing baju.
It was a good experience seriously.
-
Right now i just feel like screaming my lungs out
w the amnt of anger and frustrations i have inside of me.
Its hard to say.
I just feel urgh, its hard to express.
Everything is just sooo weird.
I mean,urgh fuckk.Seriously.
Some ppl just dont understand how much
they mean to me.
Look, i am not exactly someone
who can express my emotions well.
Like, even if i care about this person
a lot. I just wouldnt show.
But deep down inside i am actually fucking
concern and am hoping the person is doing fine.
In short, if i actually talk to you about my problems
or just some random stuff, i fucking trust you.
If i am sitting there listening to your random stories,
i actually give a shit about your existence.
But if i try to talk to you, try to help you
as much as possible, i fucking care about your well-
being, because i am fucking concern about you,
I may shout, swear whatsoever,
but it is simply because of my bottled up emotions
about every single fucking thing that is
heppening around me.
I feel bad, i feel really really bad.
I just cant say how bad i feel.
Its like i feel that i may have taken ppl for granted when
they have been the greatest ppl in my life ever.
Seriously when i just sit down and think
and compare my happiness level now and before.
I swear i feel like just breaking down.
That now, sometimes theres awkward silence
and absolutely nothing in common.
Its like, you used to talk to them
like every single day.
And now, you talk to them like what
0-once a week?!
Its like you could actually count the number
of sentences that you may have spoken
in that once a week conversation,
which just feel is so forcefully done & untrue.
Whatever i am saying right now, does
it even ring a bell?
Or is it just the same old emotional yet acting
tough me talking?
Let me just get this straight.
I fucking miss certain ppl in my life but
i cant fucking say.
So tell me how fucking fucked up is that?!
For me to put in into words and
expect ppl to read between the lines whatsoever.
How i wish as they are reading this, they
actually know its them i am talking about?!
So look, if you think it is you that i am refering to
maybe for hell's sake it is.
All i can say is fuck.
Fuck my life, in short.
Just fuck it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 17th, 2009|09:09 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | disappointed | ] |
dont start it over.
Sch was crazy today.
& i miss MJ.
bye. |
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| Remember the time |
[Jul. 16th, 2009|07:37 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | crushed | ] |
Okay this is breaking me down.
Its like everything feels weird
and now must everyone around me
act weird like this aswell.
Okay like which way hve i not been
a gd friend gd listener whatsoever.
I hve tried my best to be there
always for atleast some of em.
But this is all i get.
Trying so hard to put aside time,
trying to catch up and stuff.
No seriously,i just dont get it.
Suddenly theres too much hurt
gg arnd too much negative vibes
almost too much to handle.
This is bad.
Through it all, im trying
to put everything aside and
concentrate on my O'levels.
And i guess just be done w everything tht way.
Well, most of us wldnt be seeing most
of our faces much after O's anyway.
I've lost so much in my life alr.
Dont wanna lose more.
Sometimes its too hard,
e ppl arnd me just dont get along w the ppl who arent arnd
me all the time, but still know e real me.
ahhh fuck this.
Its cool, cause atleast ive got e gd times to think abt.
Ps:I miss MJ,so much. |
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| the old me is dead and gone |
[Jun. 12th, 2009|06:30 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | uncomfortable | ] |
guess its been a long long time since i last posted!
oh well, lifes been just good i guess..
theres just somethin lacking and i dont know wht it is.
but it really does make my life a lot less complete.
So i gotta figure wht it is.
Hmm.. MAYBE somethings in my life
are just better off not talking about.
Seriously, i feel like maybe i am lying to myself
too much, and pretending like everything is okay,
that im okay.
Truely its not.
But the worst part is no one knows, and
no one knows the real me..
Its like nw i hve this 3 diff personalities.
One w my usual friends, another w another grp of
friends, and lastly another at hme.
It freaks me out, like i hve completely
lost myself along the way,
i dont know who the real me is now.
and it is amazingly true.
maybe time has changed me too much.
So much so tht even a simple ques like
"wht wld u descrribe urself,whts ur fav colour, fav song..."
gosh its not tht i dont hve any but i knew tht i used to.
i mean this may seem completely insane and hilarious
to some freaks whose life is just perfect w everything they hve.
But i just somehow feel tht i find it soo hard to just get thru a single day.
I am so selfish,self-centered, cruel, mean, harsh, and
awesomely heartless.
see...this is why i dont like posting.
cause i dont wanna give the impression tht im some
seriosuly emo freak.im not.
i juset wish there was someone out there who feels hte same way i do,
though i knw its totally impossible.
damn
im off bitches. |
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| suit yourself bitch. |
[May. 26th, 2009|08:25 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  tired | ] |
I cant believe Mt O's is like next MONDAY!
I am completely freakin out,god!
Anws i just gotta say this.
I dont fcuking give a damn
about ppl who dont give a dman about me.
So clearly speakin i only care about my friends
who care about me aswell.
I may sound selfish, but def not foolish.
Ty.
I think i was overly friendly for the past 3 years.
Now on, shant be.
dontaskmewhy,
If i ever see you again,
you'll see the side of me you've never seen before.
Trust me babe, you dont know the true side to my anger(:
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| Feelin' good bby |
[May. 22nd, 2009|07:45 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  bouncy | ] |
Oh welll, today sch was just way too long for me.
Having mother tongue for the whole day is killer,
but no pain no gain! so yeahh.
Oh well, i got sort of "scolded" for laughin too much
tgt w aish durin tamil.
But hey, i really cant help it.
Besides, laughter's the bets medicine.
I feel sick, i think my dad has passed on the
flu to me, sucks.
After sch BEST part.
Hahaha, i initially didnt want to
go cause my throat felt really sore
this mornin.
But after allt that tiring intensive MT,
i really NEEEDED tht treat.
Sooooo told heyong tht i dont mind
gg to get some pukka ice cream,
i almost decided on wht to get, ha!
So we went there, it was closed, nah its aight! im cool:D
haha. Then went to white tanks once again, LOL.
Yeah bby we do get really high there.
Oh the we refers to Ann, Heyong & Shobi!
Me and Shobi went crazy the other time.
Over i cant rmb wht, haha.
I tell you the bloody waffle is fcking good.
I swear, its damn hell good, for 4.50
ok i have to admit it was a really small servin.
So we cldnt have enough of it,
not forgettin how viloently we attacked it the min it came
to our table.
Hahaha, within second, I REPEAT SECONDS, ITS GONE,POOF!
But before that ann was too busy ordering for another one,
me H & S just finished it all up.
LOL.
The waiter was laughing quite hard at us, ha.
Then all the songs were just makin us more crazy ok maybe just
shobi, which made me a lil drunk.
Cant believe i get drunk on sugar.
Haha!
I cldnt stop laughin.
Yeah!
I HAD FUN, I FINALLY FEEL LIKE MYSELF. AFTER ALLT HT FUCKED UP MOMENTS.
TY MY DEAR BBYS:D |
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| SHHHHHHHH! |
[May. 14th, 2009|08:48 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | bouncy | ] |
OMG!
hahahaha,
ok this is crazy but im pretty much attracted to _______.
Yep, ok
dont even try asking! ahahahahahhaha!
I just laughed to myself soo much the entire evening.
Hahahaha, and i cant
STOP.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHA! OKAY GILA READY.
BYE!
Omg...i cant stop. lollolololol! |
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| over |
[May. 8th, 2009|07:55 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
If this's the real you,
then honestly, i gotta admit,
you suck.
Everything is over, if u ask what, ill just slap you
sorry but im really in the wanna slap you kind of mood now.
Just updated about how i feel like bashing up a person now.
Just anyone. haha
This just happens, it happened in sec one last, and now its happening again.
If you dont know what i mean, you dont know me. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 23rd, 2009|05:27 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | complacent | ] |
Stepped down!
I swear i cried imaginary tears of JOY.
Like atleast 6 times in that 45 mins session.
Oh well, schs just weird.
Lunched w sarah before cca at western chow,
the food took like what? 20 mins!?
freaaakkk.
i almost died of hunger.
i hve NOT started studying yetttttt!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
can someone pls remain me tht mid yrs just next next week and tht
O's is just around the cornerrr!
fucking shit.
Today i really have to study if not i shld just
sentence myself to death.
No i have to eat, im a growing child(: |
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| weather, confused much? |
[Apr. 22nd, 2009|09:08 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  distressed | ] |
The weather was actually not thaaat bad,
but yeah having morninr run on earth day was
quite bad.
Well, point here is tht i took morn run after 2 longg yrs?
and it just has to be on earth day, ha.
Well my hands are aching cause i was fanning myself non-stop.
Yeahh, nothin much happened in sch.
i watched oprah, and i was trying my best to hold back my tears,
it was abt this O ambassadors thing.
The teens frm states wld go to developing countries and expr
whts their life like. It was saaadd okaay.
The kids in Kenya, drink, bathe and wash their clothes
in the exaact same river, and there are like zebra and cow dungs in the water.
Which is why many die at the age of 5.
Then the teens went over to one of the kids house.
She was delighted to make them a cup of chye,as in tea.
Her house was the size of our rooms?
Her wall, covered w the newspapers she had read till date.
She said shes very proud of herself that she is able to read and
she hung stuff she wrote in her exercise book up the ceiling.
I tell you, the ambassadors were soo overwhelmed with such
an experience i wld say of a lifetime!
I was in tears by the way they were passionate about learning and
the way they treated the ambassadors, cause ofcourse
they are, afterall just kids/teens like us.
hmm, now i really wanna save water as much as possible!
Turn of the tap when brushing!!!!!! tsk
my worst habit.
Yay!
Heyong im really happy for you babe!
Haha, i knew u wanted this so much and
its just a great feeling to finally get that something,
u worked hard for! :D |
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| Oh so thts how it is? |
[Apr. 20th, 2009|05:24 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  stressed | ] |
very welll.
I hate this stupid geog assignment, and im dying to know if its counted.
damn hell.
i am such an ass,
havent even started studying for mid-years.
tskk feeling lazy like hell.
Oh i just rmbd i still got lit to do,
wish me luck. |
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| its fucking hot. |
[Apr. 19th, 2009|07:32 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | sleepy | ] |
i took shower twice tdy and am gg to take another one after this post.
Yes i am sleepy,
i had fnn O's prac on sat.
Thanks god it went fine(:
i am verry lazy to type
a chunk of words out so
am not gg to(:
SCHOOL SUCKS FULLSTOP.
I feel lazy in schh.
its either i talk non-stop so tht i wldnt fall asleep
or just switch off, which i shldnt be doing esp now,
when the O's are nearing.
I just dread sch now,
thank god im still sitting arnd San, Heyong.
yeah,thts it.
i wanna be over and done w O's
then get a ticket for myself to new zealand and spent 2 weeks
at my grandaunt's place(:
gd plan.
shld i lock my post frm now onwards?
if ur reading pls gimme ur comments. |
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| typical wednesday |
[Apr. 15th, 2009|07:58 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | hyper | ] |
First part of the day was reallly tiring.
I cldnt concentrate esp during lit, i was almost falling asleep.
We all went completely crazy during contact time.
Aish started it"what is mee goreng w/o mee?"
haha, then we started making up other stuff and we went on and on.
Haha "what is dewberry w/o berry?"
HAHAHAH, reallly madd i tell you.
its fun you shld try it :D
anws i think i screwed my sci prac esp chem,
but yeah yeah whatever, its mid yrs anw!
Atleast i can learn frm my mistakes and hve
1 mre try before the big O's.
yep,gdbye |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 12th, 2009|06:19 pm] |
Just a fucking comment,
my esteem is lower than ever.
why must this happnen when im hme alone.
really sucks, wild thoughts run thru my mind and i dont
who to turn to, fuck.
and mind you, im no emo freak
who complains bout her life all the time.
But i cant pretend as if everythings alright.
I hate being compared w them.
So dont,
cause we all knwo they are wayy better.
so why bother.
sometimes ppl are just so insensitive and mean.
i feel really fugly and horrible now.I wanna die and born again
as some fucking tall, skinny and perfect rich bitch.
they're tall, skinny & yeah whatever you define
gd looking, go adopt them.you will nth to worry bout. |
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| freaked? |
[Apr. 11th, 2009|11:57 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
Anws just a quick update.
Good friday, oh wells, dined at riverwalk tandoori.
Okay it was crazy the north indian cuisine as usual had
my fav nun, so i cldnt stop eating.
My cousin and i just cldnt get enough of it
went about 3 rounds for it? yeah.
We just totally got sick of diets and skipped
the damn calorie counting, ha.
But yeah, all the while seated and enjoying the meal,
i only knew the effect when i got up.
I felt pregnant, and i cldnt walk properly
never in my life had i felt this full before, honestly.
Tskk!
Cousin wanted to drop mum,bro and i home
cause dad left w uncle somewhere,
but we refused!
cause we wanted to walk soo bad,
to digest our food.
So we trained all the way down to serngn and
walked back hme frm the mrt station.
One hell of a fine dinning experience D:
Food's too good!
Today,
i missed the bbs soo much, so mum
called her sis to bring the babies down to
causeway for lunch.
Had swensen's,
this time i cldnt skip calorie counting,
i ordered some pesto salmon saute' thingy.
Then shared my white choc blondie w aunt and mum,
cause i knw wht wld happen if i had it all
by myself.
I am A GOOD EATER OKAY!
I just dont show,
prob only heyong knows tht, hah,shh!
Yeah then went over to Granny's place.
My aunt was talking to bro and i bout
the bloody solar storm,some rapture thing and some anti christ thing.
I swear i freaked, cause almost evrything had somethng to do w the world ending?
I cant believe spore is gg to be affected by the solar storm,
its like one of the countries which will be greatly affected and stuff.
I dont wanna die at the age of 19?! thts fucking young.
Yeaah, and now i cant quite sleep,
i have been sleeping late and getting up
in the afternoon,brunch time.
Friday, was the best i had my peaceful sleep,
w no screaming mum, asking me to get up,
lying to me tht i'll put on weight if i sleep past 12pm,RIGHT.
Got up at 2 30.
I cant sleep beyond tht im sorry D:
oh and I realise i am verryy family oriented,
i spent most of my time w family,cousins and
stuff like tht.
Oh well, thts becos i just love it this way(:
Cause i know after the age of 17 they wldnt be able to quite catch me :P
Today, I was sitting in my chemistry class when a sick girl behind me asked "Can I go to the bathroom?". My teacher, being smart said, "Don't you mean MAY I use the bathroom?". Meanwhile, the girl behind me started throwing up all over her desk and me. FML
i swear if this happens to me, i wil punch the tcher's face. |
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| bring it on |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|09:18 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | jealous | ] |
I FEEL LIKE A JEALOUS BITCH RIGHT NOW. |
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| Is this how we say goodbye. |
[Apr. 8th, 2009|08:29 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | moody | ] |
Sometimes your first scars dont ever fade away.
Well, schs just tiring lately.
Like i just get the headaches,
the real bad ones, i hate the feeling
okay i really hate it.
When i heard the "one way "song during
chapel, i started thinking of sec 1 times,
music marathon? oh yeah.
Fucking shit, time flew like crazy.
Its like anyone i knew in sec 1 and am still
in gd terms w now, i know em for 3 plusplus yrs just like tht?!
Now thts weird, but i hve to admit those were the best times.
Oh well, before chapel chev and aish were talking
bout coming soon.
Okay when i heard of it, i just got more
curious to know wht the story was really like.
Yes, imma watch it onl alone and see how
it is first...
oh cmon im brave!
Right.
Honestly, i dont feel as confident about myself anymore. |
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| How do you sleep. |
[Apr. 3rd, 2009|09:01 pm] |
| [ | Current Mood |
| | numb | ] |
I went crazy, like seriously crazy and started
entertaining myself by talking to myself and asking
heyong to make me more froggy friends,
i named one fergie another octopus.
Santhiya was just trying to be a smart kid,
cause she wanted her frog to "swim"
so she put the frog into her water bottle cover,
and let in "swim"
Cmon! its a freaking paper frog, it will
obviously get wet and be all soggy right!
So there went her frog, not even an hour old):
I cant live w/o a dustbin on my table(:
Oh and heyong was just folding the pl epistle
into paper frogs and dustbins throughout math.
And i had a great time w my new found friends,
they jump the highest amongst all the other frogs,
im so proud of em.
Had cca, then hmed.
Yes im a baby-sitter now!
Taking care of my 8 yr old cousin,
i just fed him rice w prawns,
boy, is he a SLOW eater.
I lost my patience totally,
feels weird like having a younger sibling hah,
cause my parents and his went for a wake.
I dont like gg for wakes.
I just stopped gg after she passed away.
I hate the fact tht i hve to see someone go and
& know i'll nvr see em again..
Ooooooooooooooookay,
i officially hate pe to the core.
Thanks to the cruel, evil, wicked and bitchy witch.
Screw you fucker, screw you big time.
That is NOT the way you talk to them.
How dare you! watch out stinking asswipe, cause
your gonna get it real soon if you dont stop
being this fucking rude and unreasonable
piece of shit.
she knows you better,
i rather step back. |
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